The son speaks, Again

Hello MumMum,

How are you doing? I heard my last letter to you was very much loved by your ‘big-people’ friends (please note, any individual above the age of 5 will be referred to as ‘big-people’).  Well, just like last time, I will come straight to the point, as now I have even less time. Growing up is not easy, you see. Last time when I wrote to you, I was just 10 months old, and what I said was merely babbling baby-talks. But I have grown up now, I am 21 months old and I have my responsibilities. Ohh, yes I do. Don’t look so bewildered MumMum. 

My foremost responsibility is to let you and other big-people know that we babies have a life which is much bigger than eating broccoli, being potty-trained or knowing our ‘first 100’ words. We have millions of stars to be stared at, thousands of fireflies to chase and a whole new world to explore. And this we want to do our way....the fun, messy, crazy way! 

Talking about crazy, I know my latest, “I point, you tell’ game is turning you crazy MumMum. But I don’t understand why you are having so much trouble with it really. It is a very simple game. Whenever I feel like (which is all my waking hours), I will point at some things around the house, in a book, or on the road (if we are travelling), and you simply will have to name the things I’m pointing at. See, it’s super fun! Yes, I agree sometimes I point at several things at a time. I do that just to mess around with your head. But even you hide broccoli and paneer (cottage cheese) pieces in my food (yuukkk!). So, we are even now.

But you are not the only person I want to be even with MumMum. DaDa tops my list actually. Well, he continues to manhandle me, and seems like with each passing day he is getting better at it. You know, how he keeps telling you that he loves playing ball with me. Well, he misses out the most important point here, I guess. He doesn’t kick the ball with me, he kicks it at me. Ohh great, now you are laughing. I thought the mother is always supposed to be on her boy’s side, but you seem to be teaming up with the wrong boy here. You know, in some countries this might be considered as child abuse. 

Okay enough complaining. I guess I just need to be the bigger person here and forgive you guys. I just need to think of my happy memories. And my one most happy memory is of DaDa tucking me in for the night. Every night just before putting me to sleep, he holds me gently with both hands and says, “When I first saw you, you were so small you hardly reached to my elbow, and look at you now”. Seriously, you can ask him to say something new now.

I want to tell you something MumMum. I love you! You say this to me some hundred times in a day, and I know you’re dying to hear it from my lips. Since I cannot say it out loud, yet, I’m going to say it here. I love you to the moon, sun, stars and back. Whenever you are around, my world seems perfect. Whenever you are playing with me, I feel the happiest. Every time you pick me up, I feel like I’m on cloud nine. Every time you read to me, I feel loved. The sound of your voice soothes me. Now now, please do not cry MumMum, I hate to see you crying. Crying in front of a toddler is really not a good idea, as it might lead me to jump to conclusions and believe that I am the reason why you are upset. What? Do not look at me like that, it is what Google says! But Google knows nothing about us little people. So take it from me MumMum, cry, laugh, kiss, sing, hug and dance in front of me. Only when you do all that will I learn to accept them as natural part of life. 

MumMum I know sometimes you get upset with me. Sometimes when I spill food or drink on the floor, or when I smuggle your spice jars from the kitchen cabinet, or when I splash water at you during bath times, or when I throw the trash cans upside down. From where you stand MumMum I might be wrong, but if you just slip into my booties and see for a moment, you will know I do all this (and much more)because I love you. Only when I spill something on the floor do you bring your washcloth and bend on the floor to clean, and that is exactly when I get to come and hug you from behind and get a piggyback ride. Ohh MumMum I love our piggyback rides...they are precious. Now about the spice jars. Sometimes when you are busy in the kitchen and you don’t play with me, I feel lonely. So i bring your spice jars and hide them in my toys. Because I know after a while you will come looking for them and spend some time with me. Ohh and the water splashing during bath time is my absolute favourite one. I know you secretly love that too, you just pretend to be angry at me.  And that leaves us with the trash cans. Well, that I just do to annoy you. Sorry. 

It’s almost my nap-time MumMum, so I will be quick. This thing that I’m about to say is something that all my friends want you big-people to know. We little ones are supposed to learn the ropes of life from you, and we do. We laugh, walk, talk and eat like you. We look at you and we want to be like you.But there are certain things that big-people should be learning from us too. The first thing is to laugh. I have seen many big-people laugh, but something always seems to be missing from your laugh. It is like, your lips are laughing, but your eyes are not. Look at us babies, we laugh with our lips, eyes, tummy, ears and sometimes even our toes! Why can’t big-people laugh like that? The second thing that you can learn from us is to listen. We babies see and hear EVERYTHING. We listen to the things that you tell us, and listen more keenly to things you do not want to tell us.  But as per my observation, big-people do not seem to listen a lot. They always seem to be in a hurry. MumMum even you seem to be in rush sometimes, and it seems like you are here, but not really here. And I do not like those days. I like the days when we are quiet, and we are here. Like the days we spend time gardening. I love the way you tend to the flowers, talk to the plants, and listen to the buds in bloom. I love being with you on those days, digging the soil with you and watering the plants.

MumMum, I’m very sleepy now (stifles a long yawn). Good night.  I might write to you soon, or not. Till then you laugh more, sing more, dream more, cuddle me more and worry less.

I love you,

The son

**************

*In 2017 I wrote a blog post, The son speaks. The above blog is an extension of the same.

The old man,his books and his wise words..

When I woke up today, I had no idea how enriching my day was going to be.

Last week while browsing through a popular social media site I came across this event happening in Johannesburg. It was a second hand book sale. The event description said, a ‘Recently retired academic's personal library. An impressive selection of over 4000 books to be sold.’ I kept reading and re-reading the event description, partly happy, partly confused and also strangely angry. I was naturally happy because the books were sold at a ridiculously less price. But what confused me and further angered me was the fact that someone has actually arranged a book-sale to see unknown people touch and take away his beloved books. I tried telling myself to calm down. I do not know the person and hence I could not be angry on him. But a part of me was highly dejected, and I kept going back to the events page. Finally I decided to go.

Today morning when we reached at the gate of the mansion, it was drizzling. In my mind the backdrop seemed perfect, as the universe must be deeply saddened by this treacherous activity. But I quickly controlled my mind from the melodramatic ranting, composed myself and stepped into the foyer. The house had a warm welcoming vibe, and it was clear that everything was placed with a lot of thought and care. I crossed the foyer and walked down a narrow hall-way, when I heard voices coming over from the room on my left. As I turned and stepped inside, I found myself standing in one of the best home library I have ever seen. The two walls on either side of me were covered with thick wood panelled book-shelves. The room was U-shaped with two floors. From where I stood i looked up to an elegant crystal chandelier, around which the wooden carved railing of the second floor could be seen. There was a huge table in the middle of the room. Behind the table a spiral stair-case led to the second floor. There were around 10-12 people in the library, who must have come for the sale. I looked around the place trying to locate the owner. At the corner of the room there were few chairs and I could see two elderly gentlemen and a lady were engrossed in conversation. I looked at them from the corner of my eye, trying to understand who the academician was. 

His collection was diverse, impressive and awe-inspiring. Homer’s Iliad rubbed shoulder with Aldous Huxley, Shakespeare’s plays stood next to John Osborne. There were books on the history of chamber music, wine tasting, law, gardening, travelling and so on. It was like tens and thousands of different worlds colliding against one another, creating this magical realm. I just closed my eyes and let my fingers brush through the spines of the books, taking in their stories. I didn’t realise when I had reached the corner of the room. As I looked up I saw few young college students were standing around a kind-faced octogenarian man, “You kids should have come yesterday. Today is the 2^nd day of the sale, and most of the good volumes are already sold off.” He was looking through the books these students had picked up and was helping them chose the right ones. He had the kindest face and the wisest eyes I had ever seen. I walked to the other end of the room.

I picked some books for myself and walked to the table in the centre of the room where a young man was busy with the transactions. Kunal said maybe I should meet the owner once before leaving and thank him, as a courtesy. But I was not sure of that. I still harboured some mixed feelings for the person and didn’t want to face him with my prejudices. So I stayed back in the queue. As my turn came I laid down my books and started handing them to the guy at the counter. Suddenly someone took a book from my stack and said, “I was wondering why no one was taking this book. This one is a sure winner. I hope you have good time reading this one.” It was the elderly gentleman I had seen before, the owner of this envying library. 

I smiled and thanked him politely.

And before I knew the words poured down my lips. “How can you sale your books to complete strangers?”

He looked at me, as if he is noticing me for the first time. A pleasant smile crossed his lips and sat cosily in his eyes. “I’m not selling them to strangers. I’m selling them to people I know will value them. I have read these books and I know that I will never read them again. Moreover this is just one-third of my whole collection.” He paused and silence swiftly filled in the spaces within and without.

“And you know young lady”, he spoke again, “As you grow old, you must learn to live light and let go of the things that binds you.”.

Sometimes few words can teach you more than what a library full of books can do.

The son speaks

Ever since I have become a mother, my husband and my Mom (who by the way, are my two biggest fans), have pestered me to pen down my experience. I tried. I started. I stopped. I faltered. 

Not because I don’t have anything to write. Oh no no. It’s been only 10 months, but I already feel like I can give J R Tolkien some tough competition. It’s just that so much has already been written and spoken about motherhood; I didn’t know what else to say. And partly also because I strongly disagree with many motherhood/parenthood notions harboured by millennial mothers. But this blog is not about that. So, coming back, I wanted to write about my experience of being a mother but I didn’t know where or how to start. It was so vast and so deep that I was too overwhelmed to pen it down. That is when my knight in shining ‘diaper’ came to my rescue. With wobbly feet, he crawled straight to me, his mouth covered in drool, but his eyes shining with determination to help his distressed MumMum. So with oodles of apprehension and a dash of relief, I passed by pen (albeit hypothetical one) to my 10 month old son.

Dear MumMum,

I don’t have too much time to spare, so I will come straight to the point. My first 10 months had been great. We are doing good MumMum. I’ll be honest with you. I don’t remember much of the first 4 months. That time is like a blur to me. I remember seeing faces...many faces, things moving and bright colours. I remember you, of course, and how you held me, and your smell. Ohh, and I was peeing a lot....ya how can I forget that. But I kind of start remembering more clearly from the time I started crawling. Ohh those were such happy days! Finally I got to see the world in all its 3 dimensional glory. Honestly, I was getting a little tired seeing people’s double-chin all day long (sigh). MumMum I know this whole thing is difficult for you and Dada. But it’s not really very easy for me, either. Suddenly waking up at night, not knowing where I am, trying to adjust my eyes in the darkness, feeling cold and hungry, is not really a lot of fun. It’s only when you wrap your arms around me in that darkness that I feel secured, I feel at home. And when you lovingly whisper, “it’s ok baby I love you. I am here”, I know that you got me. You will always get me. It’s not too much fun to let other people decide what I wear, eat, play and see. I trust you completely and know that you only have good intentions for me. But when you force down that avocado purée down my throat, my faith wavers! It is difficult not being able to go where I want, not being able to reach where I want to and not being able to communicate what I want to. And don’t get me started on the list of Don’ts that I have to hear every day.

Don’t throw toys.

Don’t spill food.

Don’t bite me.

Don’t crawl below the table.

Don’t eat shoes.

Don’t chase the ants/flies and don’t eat them.

Don’t pull his hair. 

How about saying some ‘Do-s’. What happened to the good-old positive attitude folks? Why so much negativity? You see I have to spend the day doing something. Even if I sleep for 11-12 hours a day, I still have 12 hours to spend. So how do you want me to spend those hours? I’m just 10 months old, my attention span is no better than that of a gnat. So I need to keep mixing up a bit to make my day exciting. Hence, biting, eating, tearing, falling, crawling (falling again), drooling and irritating the ship (well, that’s the word I hear you and DaDa say a lot. But I’m pretty sure the ‘p’ in the word doesn’t sound quite right) out of you is what I like to do.

Ok, so enough of what I don’t like. There are actually a lot of things that I like. The list is long, and I don’t have time. So I will pick up my favourite ones. 

Needless to say I love it when you and DaDa cuddle me. But sometimes DaDa manhandles me; you must talk to your man. I will not weigh 9 kgs forever, you know. The day I grow my six packs, the man will be in trouble! I love sitting by your feet in the kitchen while you do the dishes. Love how you sing songs for me and talk to me, like I understand everything. In case you didn’t notice already, I don’t understand a word you say. But I love your lilting voice and the sound of your laughter. You might not be the best singer in your big-people world, but to me you are the best one I’ve ever heard, and I love hearing you again and again (please don’t cry MumMum, you’re a grown-up remember). Oh, and I love our daily massage sessions. Are you kidding me, free spa every day of the year! I might be a baby but I surely know that this is not going to last long. So I enjoy every single bit of it. I know you will not believe me, but I love when you read out loud to me (not always, but sometimes). I know you think I wiggle around a lot when you read and don’t pay attention. But that’s not true MumMum. I wiggle around so you can move around and catch me. I see you don’t get much exercise, so I need to do something about it, don’t I? Or else you keep telling people you have put on the pounds because you carried me in you for 9 months. Now there’s only so much a baby can take blame for. 

And now my most favourite part of the day; playing ball with you. Since so many weeks now, you have been trying to teach me to ‘throw the ball’. Of course I know how to throw a ball.....I’m 10 months old, I’m not stupid! But I chose not to throw it when you ask me. You know why, because I love to see that expression on your face when after repeatedly asking me to throw the ball, I don’t oblige. The way you cringe your nose and roll your eyes, ohh it makes my day, really. 

Okay, enough of baby talk, now some serious stuff. MumMum I don’t like it when you cry. Yes, I know when you cry. Last week, when I stood on my own without holding onto something for few seconds (before falling with a thud), you cried. Few days before that, when I ate the whole strawberry on my own, you cried. You also cried on the day when I said my first words, ‘Mama’. But you have to stop crying, you know. Because I will grow up and do zillions of things on my own. Slowly I will not need you anymore to carry me places, because I will learn to walk, I will not need you to feed me because I will learn to eat on my own. I will not need you to be my voice anymore because I will have my own voice and vocabulary ( I just said ‘zillion’, didn’t I?). But you should be proud of me for not needing you, as that means you have been a good parent and have taught me well. I am born with wings, all of us are. All we need is a little push here and a little shove there along with dollops of encouragement, so we can learn to soar. But no matter how high and far I soar, at the end of the day I want to cuddle up in your arms and sleep peacefully. But if you try to break my flight or mess up my wings, then I will never learn to fly high amidst the vast sky. Then I will be sad and hurt, and angry on you. That’s not what you want. You want me to grow up to be an independent person, and I sure will. Now I might not know what ‘independent’ means. But from what you said, it seems like I need to learn to do my own cleaning, cooking, washing, etc. Though this doesn’t sound like fun, but I will still do it for you MumMum. Because at the end of all joys, tears, heart-breaks, success and pain, you are my person. And I’m yours.

 

I had fun writing to you MumMum. I’m glad to realize that ‘big-people’ do interesting things like writing. Growing up will not be so boring, after all. I might write to you again. Till then you laugh more, sing more, dream more (I know sleep is an issue now, try day-dreaming maybe), cuddle me more and worry less. 

PS: MumMum I have a complaint on behalf of all (well, most) babies across the world. Can you please forward it to the right person? It is for the person who has come up with the ‘blue’ and ‘pink’ colour-code for babies. Pink for girls and blue for boys. Are you kidding me? This mindless discrimination needs to stop! Now.