It was like any other morning. Once Kunal (my husband) went to office I glanced through the newspaper and went for a bath. It is then that it happened. While I was washing my face I suddenly saw the 2 ‘gleaming silver strands’. First I didn’t realize, or maybe I didn’t want to realize. But then a light breeze came in and the ‘gleaming silver strand’ fell on my face. I was taken aback for a second, not because I have never seen them before. But because I have never seen them on me. I lightly touched it…felt it…and smiled.
Do not ask me why I smiled….because even I’m trying to figure that out. It was a ‘Happy-Sad’ feeling. I was happy because somehow those 2 gleaming strands of white hair on my head gave me a sense of (false) wisdom. It was different. The feeling can be best described as the one I used to have as a kid when after my mom went for her afternoon nap I wore her slippers, her round red bindi, and acted as a grown-up in front of the mirror. It used to be my favourite game. After almost 24 years, today standing in front of the bathroom mirror I felt the same rush. The rush of growing up…or should I say now growing old!
The irony here is that while I was happy of growing up….I was sad too for growing up. Till today I never perhaps had felt such strongly opposite feelings for the same reason. I was sad obviously because like any other woman, I’m mortally afraid of old age, wrinkles, pigmentation (I know Olay & Botox are here now…but still). But apart from this I could not think of anything that will make me sad. ‘Woow’…does this mean that I’m not afraid to grow old. I surprised myself by answering ‘No’ to this question. It sounded too good to be true, but here it was. I looked straight into my eyes in the mirror and said ‘No’.
And why should I, or anyone else be? Isn’t this a natural process of our life cycle. Then what is the big deal about all these ‘mid-life crisis’, ’40 is the new 20’ and so on. 40 is 40 and that’s what it should be. Why create this whole illusion about starting to enjoy life at 40, when you can always enjoy life. Yes, I agree that there are things you can do at 20, which you cannot do at 40. But aren't there things that you can do at 40 that you could not even dream of when you were 20. Like, being independent, raising a family and being proud parents. Having a life well-lived, and dreams achieved!
Standing on my 28th year with 2 grey hair on my head…I feel much more confident and full-filled than I had when I was 18. Yes, I agree that 10 years back I had dreams in my eyes…and was happy dreaming about everything that I wanted to do. Those days had their charm, when you did not know what lay ahead of you…and the thought of future gave you goose bumps. I'm a single child, and belong to a very conservative Bengali joint-family. Like any other teenager I always dreamt of being independant, of making my parents proud and living life on my own terms. I got this oppurtunity when I got a job in Mumbai and had to shift to the 'City of Dreams'. The 'rosy picture' of staying away from my family (finally) that my young eyes had dreamt of, soon turned into a 'not-so-rosy reality'. Life away from the protective arms of my parents was hard. For the first 2 months, I cried every night. I fought alone, fell down, got bruised...but rose up again. And that is what age teaches you to do.
While my young eyes helped me dream the impossible...my growing years made me capable of achieving those dreams. And as I moved on in life slowly but steadily ticking against some of those dreams…I feel much confident and happy now. I feel that I have earned these two ‘gleaming silver strands’, and I’m proud of them!
