Afterglow

Chapter 1:

Soon after the first light of dusk dusted off the last trails of light from its grey coat and made way for the night fairy to take over earth, the swamp near the valley lit up with million small lights. If someone were to stand at the edge of the valley and look down, he could see the floating dots of glowing fire emerging out of the thicket and covering the marsh. Someone might think it to be trails of lighted pixie dust floating off a fairy’s magic wand, but these are actually fireflies who wander out at dark to light the night sky with their magical glow. 

Near this swamp at the edge of the forest a group of fireflies stay, and their leader is Grandpa Bug. Grandpa Bug is the only one in the herd to witness 2 full moons, and he has only one mission in life, and that is to keep his herd of fireflies safe and within the bound of the swamp land, so no one goes off wandering anywhere and is captured, killed or eaten by other bugs.

While everyone is happy and content leading this quiet and routine bug’s life, there is one tiny soul whose heart yearns for more. Aglow is the youngest and brightest firefly of the herd and she brings life and cheer to the family. She is chirpy, compassionate, caring and curious. While she loves her huge bug family, a part of her always wants to see the world beyond the musty swamp, and chase her little secret. She knows she doesn’t have much time. She will see her first full moon in about 7 days. Such thoughts make her heart feel heavy and she keeps herself from being sad by singing and dancing with her other glow-worm friends.  But the only time of the day when Aglow is happy and glowing is when the mysterious night fairy teases sun god and cajoles him to sleepily untangle his arms of light. The light banter between the night fairy and the sun god lasts for a short while and their laughter leaves a golden hue of twilight on the sky. Just when all the fireflies cozily retires in their leafy homes, Aglow glides up to the dewy foliage of the almond tree and looks up to the sky waiting for her friend to visit her. Almost every day he comes around the same time, with his group of 3 or 4 friends. They glide up above happily chirping and enjoying their flight. She watches them every day, but they never seem to notice her. She tries hard to understand their language and gives them signals by flashing her light. But they never sees her.

Aglow sits quietly and watches them fly by. She tries hard to read their signals, but never understands it. They seem to be different to her, not only is their signaling pattern different, they can fly so much higher than her other friends. They seem much bigger and brighter than the fireflies Aglow has seen or heard of. But what most fascinates her is the one firefly who glows bright red. He is the one Aglow feels most attracted to, and wants to meet. But how can she achieve this impossible, she has no clue. Neither can she fly so high, nor does she know where they stay. This little secret of hers seems to be staying a secret forever, unless she can find someone to help her meet her nameless friends.

Aglow’s mother keeps telling her that if she listens to her elders and stays a good bug then the Wish fairy will fulfill all her wishes. She prays every night to the Wish fairy to grant her just one wish…the wish to meet her ‘red glowing friend’.  Some days her heart yearns so much that she feels she cannot breathe. On one such night, she tiptoes away from her family and wandered ahead towards the Willowy groove. She knew those were the abandoned areas and has heard Grandpa Bug say frightening tales about gigantic moths who stays there and attacks the fireflies and smaller bugs. She knows till where she can fly and has no plans of crossing over to the abandoned territory. But destiny knows no boundary and strikes down at the most inopportune opportunity.  Just as Aglow turns around to go back towards the marsh, she sees a red tiny blink on the other side toward the willowy groove. For a second she thinks she must have seen it wrong. But then it blinks again…and once again. Though it is much smaller than how it appears on other nights and way closer towards her, she hopelessly wanders if it is the same red firefly she sees every night. The light kept blinking fast and hurried.  Could he be in danger? Was he lost? Aglow couldn’t spot his other 3 friends.  Aglow knows that she should not go on the other side of the marsh but the urge to save her friend is too overpowering and so she gathered all her courage and flies fearlessly towards the red blinking dot. 

The trees are bigger and denser in this part of the land and Aglow feels a tinge of fear, but she quickly brushes away these thoughts and focuses on her friend in danger. But the more she flies towards him, the further he flies away.  The forest is growing denser and darker and on reaching a bend, Aglow loses track of the red light ahead of her. She whirls around frantically, but cannot see her friend anywhere. Every direction she looks is dark and frightening. Suddenly a deafening noise disrupts the silence of the night and a deadly shadow covers the smiling face of the moon. Aglow peers behind and sees a huge flying insect charging directly towards her. Her heart sinks and her feet turn to stone, but she still manages to fly with all her might. The dark forest seems to close in around her as she whizzes past through huge trees shrouded in the cloak of darkness. The deadly buzzing sound approaches her fast and Aglow flies into the deeper recess of the jungle, far far away from home. But fatigue and panic seems to take over her young body and a sudden pang of regret washes over her. If only she would have listened to her mother and Grandpa Bug…. The huge deadly insect is coming closer and closer, and Aglow felt her wings and limb go numb. She closes her eyes, knowing well that this might be the last few seconds of her life. And just when the big, sinewy arms of the flying monster fall on her, she felt a sudden jerk followed by a loud thud. What happened next is mostly a blur. All she remembers is being flown away at a dangerously high speed, cutting through the trees and sliding down the branches. Was she even alive or was she free- falling onto heaven?



Chapter 2: Coming soon...

My South AFRICAN sojourn

It has been 15 days since I have been in South Africa. It might be a bit too early to talk about the country, but what I’m about to scribble here is my experience of the country, or more precisely of Johannesburg – the gold city!

I’m not patriotic, but somehow I had never harboured the dream of staying abroad. Even when my friend’s spoke about their dream of settling in some far-off country, I secretly wished for staying closer to my family in my own land. But destiny always has a way of getting on your nerves, and doing exactly opposite of what you have planned for in life. So voila! one fine day my husband comes up with the news that his company is sending him to Johannesburg for long-term deputation. I was reluctant and ready to let the opportunity pass. But Kunal tried hard to convince me. This was not the first time his company had offered him an onsite. And on all the previous occasions we passed as none of us were keen on re-locating. But circumstances were different this time around. For one, it had been more than 6 months that we were leading the life of ‘weekend couple’, since he was staying in Mumbai and I was in Pune. Shifting to SA would have got us out of this plight. And in his relentless bid to make me say yes to the great South African safari, Kunal showed me the photographs of the house we would be staying in Jo'burg, and it had a bathroom with a bath-tub!!! Now, since I was a kid I had always (and by always I mean forever and ever and ever) wanted to live in a house with a bath-tub. So finally I got allured ‘more’ with the prospect of turning into a full-fledged married couple and ‘less’ (read, even more) with the prospect of finally getting to live in a house with a bath-tub, to shift to Jo'burg for a couple of years.

It was difficult to leave behind my friends, family, job and so much more. It was especially difficult for me since I have a chronic problem of ‘letting go of even the scissors I used to cut packets with’. But I did, I had to. So on 7^th February 2015, I entered Chattrapati Shivaji airport, in Mumbai with a cart filled with baggage and heart filled with memories.

My flight had been a smooth sail, and it had still not sunk in that I was leaving my country and travelling to an unknown land. It was only when I woke up early morning and looked outside the window that I realized that the clouds are not the friendly faces I see every morning from the balcony. These white fluffy cotton balls are strangers from a strange land. The first rays of sun tiptoed along the clouds and weaved in a spectacle that was breath-taking...but unfamiliar.

Once I reached Johannesburg airport, all the secret desires I had of things I should experience while traveling international alone for the first time, came true. Right from being in the wrong immigration queue, to my baggage getting lost and me getting caught at Customs (yes, you heard it right!) happened with me. I was thrilled.

At the Customs checking counter the lady saw my huge load of luggage and threw me a suspicious look. On my defence I quickly stated that I am visiting SA for the first time and will be staying here for 2 years, hence the extra luggage. She smiled broadly and said, ‘You get all the things you need here’. I smiled in agreement.  On hearing that I was about to meet my husband after 2 months, and he has been waiting outside the airport for over an hour now, she threw me a warm smile and said, “You go hurry and meet your husband. Have a nice stay at SA”. With this, she signed off my form, and let me go. Thinking about it now, I guess this was the moment I fell in love with the country and its simple ways. I hurried past the security check and landed outside the airport lobby, where Kunal was anxiously waiting for me.

Once we packed all my stuff in the car and left from the airport, the first thing that greeted me was the green explosion around. My eyes basked in the pleasant greenness of the surrounding, as we drove towards home. It was a 20 minutes drive from the airport, and while Kunal was busy chatting with the friendly driver, my brain missed seeing and feeling some familiar things, like – people, traffic, concrete jungle and most importantly honking! In the next few days I came to know that Johannesburg which stretches across 1645 square km houses total population of 7,151,447 (the city of Mumbai stretches over 603 square km and has a population of 18.4 million approx). There are no high rise residential buildings in and around the city, and (people from Pune, please hold your breath), everyone follows traffic signals here. Even when the traffic lights do not function, there is a circular one-by-one method of traffic flow, which every person follows. But what acted as the cherry on the cake was the fact that no one honks on road here!!! Yes, you heard it right.

Now about the experience of staying here: We are staying at a quiet residential complex called Bryan Brooks, at Sandton. The society has a fair share of White, Asian and Native residents. Since I’m staying at home nowadays, I get a lot of time at my disposal. So once Kunal leaves for work, around 7.30 am (yes days start very early here, and by 6.00 pm people are back home from office. Three cheers to work-life balance!!!) I have the entire day to read, write, cook and laze around. The duplex we stay in is next to a small water fountain and in the afternoon the low gurgling sound of water along with the calls of different birds create a magical ambiance. The estate houses close to 50 species of birds ranging from common birds like Southern Masked-Weaver, Sparrows, Amethyst, Greater Striped Swallows, Common Peacock, etc to rare and exotic species like Cardinal Woodpecker, African Hoopoe, Spotted Eagle Owl, African Paradise Flycatcher, Red-chested Cuckoo, etc. While I go for a walk inside the campus and come across someone on the street, there’s always a friendly ‘Hi’ with a smile. I sometimes wonder, if we start this practice in India, we are sure to get a cramp in our jaw, by smiling to close to 10 people within a 100 meter radius!

Before I landed in South Africa, I had heard a lot of negative things about how the country is very unsafe. Well, I’m sure most of the stories are true, as you actually cannot think of walking down the roads of Johannesburg any time of the day. Nothing untoward has yet happened to us, but yes, we too have heard many stories. And I feel that its sheer bad luck and being at the wrong place at the wrong time that leads to these instances. But yes, as an independent individual I do feel robbed of my freedom to roam around the streets normally. I miss (among many many other things), the kirana shops, where you could just call and get onion, potato or masalas delivered at all unearthly hours of the day. I miss being able to walk in a coffee shop and sit with a book for hours, all by myself.

But then, as my Dad always said, a coin always will have two sides, and one has to live with it. So here I am, happily staying at Johannesburg as I know that nowhere will I be able to see such a clear night sky with the stars so real and near that I could just pluck them and fill them in a jar.

Beyond Love and Faith…

It was a day like any other.

I was flipping through my book, the coffee cup by my side. The almond tree I was sitting under was in full bloom. The gentle aroma wafted down and trickled through my senses. The first crack of dusk touched the evening sky. As I looked up, I could see the sun leisurely preparing to call it a day. As a last act of farewell it raised the paintbrush and carelessly splattered the clear blue sky with orange strokes.

I could hear the carefree laughter of the children from across the park. They must be flying high on the swing sets or rolling over one another down the slide. In a few minutes their mothers will be calling out for them and they will unwillingly leave their friends and walk back home, promising to be back the next day.

As the sky turned from pale to dark orange, the park started to clear off. Soon the street lights will be on. I closed my book, as the light was too low to read. But instead of making my way home I decided to wait for some more time, till the wayward birds had made it to their home.

The park was almost deserted now, except a group of old men, who had no one in particular to go back to, and few couples who wanted to make the most of the time they had together. I closed my eyes, trying to hear the chirping of the birds, as some of them recounted how their day went while others called for their mates. The soothing sound of the home-bound birds mixed with the heady aroma of the fresh bloomed evening primrose flowers lifted my spirits. Just as a happy smile was about to spread over my lips, I was startled by a rustling noise. As I opened my eyes, I saw a young girl at the far end of the bench I was sitting on.

She was around 12 years, tall, slim with a round face. Her long black hair was left loose along her back. I could see the side of her face, as she sat staring at her hands on her lap.

‘Hi’, I said.

She looked at me, and I was taken aback by those pair of eyes. Never before had I seen soo much agony in someone’s eyes. Looking at her big, almond shaped eyes, could make one cry. Her face had a rough edge to it, but it was her eyes that softened her appearance. When she didn't reply to my greeting, I asked if she was lost. She nodded, saying she wasn't.

By now darkness had started creeping in through the thick foliage and the sun had almost crawled inside the comfort of his black snug blanket.

I looked around to see if I could see the girl’s parents, but no one seemed to be with her. Once again I turned around and tried starting a conversation. ‘So, what is your name?’ I asked.

‘I’m Pain’.

Her low but sharp voice cut across the still air and struck against my ears. I straightened myself and looked at her closely. How can this be her name?

‘Who are you?’ I mumbled.

This time she looked straight into my eyes and replied, ‘It’s ok for you not to recognize me, as we had never met before. We might have fleetingly crossed each other at the hallway, but we never had a direct encounter.’

I suddenly realized that the sounds, colours and aromas that so long were with me, could be felt no more. The air was still and the sky was silent.

‘I don’t remember seeing you’, I could feel my voice rise, as I tried hard to control it.

‘You don’t? You surely remember meeting my sisters Love and Faith?’, a smile as sad as her eyes appeared across her thin, dry lips.

‘Why have you come?’ I tried hard to hold back the lump in my throat.

She sighed, ‘I had to. It was time. Without meeting me you could never experience life at its full glory. So long it was an incomplete journey for you. I have made you complete.’ She paused for a while, and then continued. ‘Remember, it is as much important to celebrate pain, as it is to revel in love and hope and happiness.’

My head swirled, and the stillness around me made me feel uneasy. ‘I think I should leave now’, I said.

On hearing me, the little girl sprung up on her feet and walked towards me.

She threw her cold and bony arms around my neck and hugged me, ‘It was nice meeting you,’ she whispered into my ear. Her hoarse voice almost deafened me.

While she hugged me I felt my body go numb and cold. I could feel the blood rushing through my veins freeze and my body writhed in a strange kind of pain. It was like someone had reached inside me and wrenched out my heart with cold bony fingers. I wanted to shout, but couldn't find my voice.

After what felt like an eternity, the little girl slowly stepped back, turned around and walked away.

I sat there, looking at her walk away.

Till now, I thought death was most painful….but I was wrong.

************

*In 2012, I had written a blog post named, ‘Faith…Love…Respect’. This post is an extension of the thought, with a different take.

last GOODBYE....

Chapter 1: The End

The girl walked up to the door and stared.

It was the most gloriously ornate gate she had ever seen in her life. The gold, silver and rubies sparkled and their reflection danced across her face. She reached out to touch it. The cold surface sent a shiver down her spine.

‘I can still feel’, she wondered.

The gate creaked open. She stepped into the most beautiful garden she had ever seen. Not a colour she knew of in the world was missing in the garden.

‘How easily the memory of the ‘world’ comes to me’, she mused. ‘How long will it be before I completely forget about the world? The memory of 21 years wiped clean. Not 21….she rectified, 20 years and 9 months.’

Her birthday was due in 3 months.

The girl sighed. The boy had planned a big surprise for her 21^st birthday. She asked him over & over again, but he refused to say anything.

‘It will be the biggest and bestest surprise of your life’, he said, tilting his head, the lopsided smile on his face. The smile that always melted her heart.

Standing in the middle of the Garden of Eden, the girl’s heart ached. She longed to see his face, touch his cheek, and nuzzle her nose against his arm.  The thought that she can never see him filled her with despair.

They had known each other for 3 years. The girl met the boy on the first day of college. The moment their eyes locked across the noisy class they knew they were meant for each other. There was no proposal, no going down on the knees, and no flower shower. They just came together and stayed together forever, until…

‘You are bleeding’.

The girl looked up with a start. A kind-faced man was standing over her.

‘You are bleeding’, the man repeated.

The girl now looked down and saw the red rose she was holding. The thorn pricked her finger and blood was oozing out. She quickly sucked her thumb, to stop the bleeding. The familiar taste of blood comforted her.

‘Who are you?’, she asked the man.

‘I’m your guardian angel’, he smiled. His eyes were the colour of caramel, gazing into them could melt one’s heart.

‘Guardian angel?’ the girl looked confused.

‘Yes, so once you cross over from there to here, guardian angels help you get settled in heaven’, he explained. The smile not once leaving his eyes.

Seeing the confused look on her face the man continued, ‘Do you remember how on the first week of college your class had one senior student as your buddy, who helped your group get settled with college life?’

The girl’s face lit, ‘Of course I do. Ohh…so you will be like my buddy in heaven?’ she quipped.

The words fell with a thud and a suffocating silence followed. The girl’s face darkened. The truth that she is dead and is in heaven now, has not sunk in yet. Was this real? This feels like a bad dream….and she waits to be woken up any minute now.

But there’s no more waking up….and she knows that.

She felt a gentle touch on her shoulder.

‘Are you ready to go ahead?’, the guardian angel asked.

The girl nodded…but then stopped. ‘There are some questions that I need to ask you, before we go any further.’

‘Sure, go ahead’.

‘Why am I alone here? If this is heaven then where are the other people who died too? If I want to meet someone in heaven what do I need to do? I want to meet my granny…she died 6 years back…and I miss her a lot….When do I get to meet God? Does He meet with everyone?’

‘Wooow…woow…hold on young lady,’ the guardian angel pleaded. ‘You have far too many things on your mind. Though I want to, but I cannot answer all your queries. You need to experience them along your journey here.

But I will answer your first question,’ he paused. ‘You cannot see anyone around here, because this is your experience. Living on earth and in heaven are different. On earth you physically live and feel your existence. But here, on the other side, you do not feel, you experience your being.’

‘Then how come I can still feel?’ the girls eyes implored.

The guardian angel sighed, and for the first time the smile faded as the girl looked into his eyes. ‘Come and sit here with me.’ He glided along and sat on a bench under a big shady tree.

As they sat facing each other, he held both her hands in his.

‘You are still feeling cold, and bleeding and experiencing heartache because you did not get to say your last goodbye…my girl’, his pale hands held onto her. The girl stared at his hands. She had never seen something soo lifeless yet soo beautiful. His fingers were long and slender, and the hand was smooth and pale. It reminded her of the porcelain doll the boy bought her on her last birthday. It was a boy and a girl sitting on a bench…..holding hands.

It was lifeless, real and beautiful…’just like this moment now’, she thought.

‘My last goodbye?’

She closed her eyes, and the events came rushing back to her. The family outing they had.

The final exams were over, and her father wanted to take the whole family to a nearby hill station. They were all soo excited. It was a long pending family vacation. It was monsoon and the Western Ghats come alive during this time of the year. The bookings were done and the bags were packed.

The girl clearly remembers the waterfall. It looked so menacing from across the other side of the hill, as if God was pouring down his white wrath down the mountain. But on reaching the bottom there were huge boulders, and the water slowly caressed these smooth rocks and curtained down. Some people were enjoying themselves under the waterfall, and the two young girls requested their parents to let them go too. Though the mother was not very keen, the father reluctantly allowed.

‘Just for 5 minutes,’ his voice still echoed in her ears.

Those were the last 5 minutes of her life.

They were having so much fun getting drenched, but suddenly the girl’s feet slipped and she lost her balance. She desperately tried holding on to her sister’s arm, but her wet palms slipped. The tide was rising and the water quickly washed away the young girl down the rough edges of the rock. Before she could realize she was dead.

While she slipped down the stream, she saw her sister who lunged to hold her and her parents who were sitting under the shade of a big rock. But the one face she wanted to see for the last time was not there.

The girl had not said goodbye to the boy.

The day before they had a big fight.

******************

‘But how can I say goodbye now? I’m here and he’s there.’

‘Come with me my child’, the guardian angel rose and held out his hand…..

******************

Chapter 2: The Begining

The bus came to a stop.

Everybody stepped out into the bright morning sun. The boy was the last one to get down.

He was not willing to come for the office picnic, but his friends dragged him. This was their first office outing, and the batch of freshers were visibly excited. The boy saw his friends preparing to play a game of cricket. They waved at him to join them. But he stayed back.

Nothing seems to interest him anymore, and all he could think of is about her.

It has been over 6 months that he had last seen her. The last day they fought…he couldn’t remember over what. But it was their first big fight. It was the day he left town to join his first job.

He tried to call her to say sorry but her phone was switched off. He called other friends to find out about her, but no one knew anything about her whereabouts. After a month he came back to look for her. But her house was locked and no one had seen the family for weeks. The boy yearned to see her….talk to her….touch her. But she was gone.

It was bright and sunny. They had planned to go to a famous picnic spot near the dam. But while on the way, they came to know of a sudden unseasonal landslide that had blocked the expressway, and hence they took a detour and came to this waterfall amidst the hills.

The boy walked down the narrow path along the hill lost in thoughts. The sound of the waterfall grew louder and he followed it. The shouts and laughter of his friends grew distant and faded away. He could see the waterfall now, like white molten lava. It was menacing.

The air around him felt warmer, as if someone has wrapped him in an embrace. He is almost under the waterfall now. The smooth surface of the rocks caressed his feet. He looked up as a familiar smell fleeted by his nose.

Suddenly his eyes caught a big green signboard. It was rusted at the edges. The sign said:

‘Waterfall too dangerous for taking bathe

This is an accident prone area’

Below this there were names of people who had died at that spot. As the boy’s eyes saw the last name…he froze. The universe took a somersault around him and he felt like crashing down a dark hole.

It was the girl’s name….

******************

What did the stars say…

The cold night air pinched my bare skin. I drew the blanket closely over my head and stared up.

The stars twinkled and beckoned me. I looked up, mesmerized by the calm hypnotic power they have over me. Since I was a kid, I always loved lying on the roof and staring at the night sky….talking to the stars. A luxury, kids’ of this generation will never enjoy!

I fondly remember those days when during power cuts, the whole family gathered at the terrace. My mom used to sing her favourite Rabindra sangeet while I lay engrossed on the jute mattress talking to the stars.

Tonight while staring at the stars, I tried hard to remember the conversations I used to have with them as a kid. But nothing came to my mind. Years of growing up has stifled the innocent childhood memories. We are so engrossed in thinking and planning about our future, that we don’t realize when the ‘fond memories’ of the past carelessly slip out of our heart along the road.

I sighed and kept staring at the stars. The warm glow from the bonfire next to me, crept up and warmed my bones. The laughter and banter of my friends sitting around slowly faded away.

And then I heard it…the slow giggling and murmur. I looked up and saw hundreds of stars twinkling, talking, giggling, nudging and calling me. I stepped forward…

“Where were you guys? I was looking for you so long”, I asked

“We’re always here, around you”, replied one of them

“Then how come I do not get to see you guys.”

This time the bigger star with a kind face said, “You cannot see us, because you don’t want to. But we see you all the time.”

“The Guiding star”, he continued, “stays by your side when you are at a crossroad in life and need someone to direct you. The Happy star celebrates with you when you are joyous. The Naughty star slowly tiptoes in and plants the mischievous idea in your mind when you are sleeping at night. The Pensive star sits by your side when you’re brooding, softly smoothing the worries away from your brow. And the warm feeling of comfort that you get when you’re sad…that’s the Cuddle star, who gathers you gently in its warm hug and comforts you when you need it the most.”

Saying this, the kind-faced star walked towards me and said, “Why do you look so baffled, my friend?”

“Why do you stars do so much for me?” I blurted out.

“Because you care for us. We had seen how as a kid you used to come running to us teary-faced, when your Mom scolded you…or happy and elated when you did well in class. And we also never missed your silent prayers to us before an exam or a dance recital.”

The memories of my childhood came gushing back to me…and suddenly I clearly remembered all those hours I spent talking to the stars. I even remembered fragments of the conversations I had with them. My heart swelled up and tears ran down my cheek.

The Kind star gently put a hand around me and comforted me. It said, “You must meet Smiley star now, because he never missed making you smile…and you surely need some smiles around.”

And as I looked up, a cute little star popped up to me and smiled. It was the most comforting and innocent smile that made my heart melt. How long has it been since a smile has reached deep down inside my heart and lighted up the dim nook and crevices. I seemed to have forgotten this child-like warmth.

While I was basking in the warmth deep down, the Kind star took my hands and asked, “There is one thing I always wanted to ask you.”

“What is it?” I asked surprised.

“You have always looked up to us and searched for something. I never could understand what you were searching for so frantically. Can you tell me what you are looking for?”

The icy cold fingers crept back and gripped my heart…and I felt the warmth fade away.

I looked down and replied, “I don’t know…I never did. I'm still looking for it..."

************

The Box full of dreams...

It happened on a clear starry night, while I was enjoying the lilting music created by the unruly waves against the sandy shore, in Goa. Couple of my friends were having an argument on whether the stars really govern our lives or destiny is what we make of it. The rationally irrational conversation slowly started heating up. By now I realized that my chances of enjoying a tranquil walk on the beach at the stroke of midnight seemed like a distant dream.

But then friend A said something that caught my attention. He said that someone asked him to collect energy in a box, so he can channelize it in the right way. I almost pinched myself to make sure that I heard it right…….collect energy in a box!!!! Last time I checked, boxes were used to collect candies. And then the thought struck me. The little angel of imagination in my mind did a happy flip and my mind carried me far far away from my friends, from the discussion and from the real world of sand, stars and sea.

My mind took me to my childhood room. I could see myself kneeling down beside my bed and looking under it for the Box. It was dark and musty in there.

The place smelt of old memories and happy childhood.

I moved the cartons filled with old text books, family albums and knick-knacks. The big bag with my old toys jingled somewhere in the corner as I ran my fingers over it. I kept dismantling the intricate cobwebs from the packages of my past and looked for the Box. It should be here somewhere….it’s here where I had kept it.

The sudden gleam caught my eyes.

I stopped and turned towards the corner of the bed. It was sitting there, poised and mystical, like the holy grail. I crawled my way inside and reached out for the Box. I held it, felt the warmth and let it seep inside me.

Once outside in the open air, I removed the layer of dust and set it on the desk. The intricate wood-work still fascinates me. It is a square wooden box with patterns on the surface. The pattern looks more like a puzzle to me….from a certain angle it looks like a butterfly…but from another it looks like an angry man’s face. I remembered staring at the box as a kid for hours trying to decide which pattern I liked the most. I couldn't decide.

I was ‘happy’ seeing the carefree butterfly and ‘sad’ on seeing the angry man’s scowling face. Being happy and sad were pretty much the only 2 emotions that we have as a child. It starts getting complicated as we grow up.

I don’t remember exactly when I had decided to make this particular box, the Box to hold my dreams.

I slowly lifted the lid and uncovered the box. Years of darkness and tranquility was suddenly given a rude shock as the glaring light fell on the sleepy contents of the box. There were some small folded papers inside the box. I picked up those papers and started unfolding them….unfolding my dreams that I had dreamt years back and had put them in a box….and forgotten about them.

I unfolded all the papers and placed them on the desk. The little pieces of paper were like little parts of me lying on the desk. I had lived all these lives individually inside my head at some point in time.

So what exactly had I dreamt?

I want to be a firefly

I want to travel the world alone

I want to sing like a nightingale and dance like the bird of paradise

I want to be a chef

I want to love and be loved

I want to stay in a house whose bricks are books

I want to be the start…..and the end

I want to be a photographer

I want to nurture and care

I want to write a book

My eyes turned moist and my vision blurred.

I folded the little chits neatly and kept them back in the box. Before closing the lid, I pulled a piece of paper and scribbled a last dream on it:

I want to run in the rain till I become the ‘Rain’

I folded the paper and put it inside the Box….closed the lid and put it back to where it was.

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